I hope you’ll indulge me in this essay. It’s more personal than most.

This past weekend, I flew to San Francisco to attend the funeral of one of the most influential people in my life. Donald Kershaw Green. He passed away just a few weeks shy of his 89th birthday. Born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, in the very same neighborhood, I would later serve as a Pastor for nearly six years. He attended Union Theological Seminary in NYC when Reinhold Niebuhr, Paul Tillich, and James Muilenburg taught there. Don served congregations in New Jersey and throughout the Bay Area in California. That’s where I met him.

While attending the Graduate Theological Union and PLTS in Berkeley, California, I worked with Don Green. He was my supervisor for my field education and youth ministry work as a seminary student from 1983 to 1985. I learned much from Don. He was creative in his ministry, gifted in music, and a thoughtful preacher with a pugnacious personality. His obituary says he never lost his New York accent, but that’s not entirely accurate. What he never lost was his Brooklyn directness. You never had a dull conversation with Don. He wouldn’t settle for that. He wanted depth and intensity of engagement.

As I mentioned in the preface of my new book, Don introduced me to the biblical story of Jacob wrestling with an angel. (Genesis 32:22-32) I dedicated the book to him.

In 1983, Don took a chance on a young seminary student with big ideas and questions. He hired me as the Youth Director at a congregation filled with high school kids trying to navigate the angst of their teenage years. I had no idea what I was doing, but Don let me find my way. One afternoon, he told me of his time at an interfaith event the previous day. A rabbi presented his interpretation of Jacob wrestling with an angel from the book of Genesis. According to Don, the rabbi made the case that this story was at the heart of the human quest for meaning. We are all wrestling with God.

“This is your story, Jim,” Don told me with his characteristic enthusiasm. And he was right, and he is still right. Don gave me a way to think about faith in a way that embraced it but not too tightly.

We all need mentors to navigate life. Our parents provide a foundational role of influence, perhaps more significant than we realize. But young men and young women need additional guides. People who have already experienced how wonderful and terrible life can be. I’ve been blessed by many through the years:

• A little league baseball coach who was more interested in developing character than winning games.

• A fifth-grade teacher who saw something in me I didn’t know was there.

• A college English professor unwilling to accept mediocre papers for class.

• A camp director who gave me opportunities to develop leadership skills.

Don Green was the mentor who pushed for depth. I had more honest philosophical and theological conversations with him than anyone else. As a 24-year-old filled with a jumble of disconnected ideas, discoveries, and opinions, I needed someone to debate, engage, and challenge. He put up with a lot of crazy ideas and projects. I’m sure those corporate middle managers in the All Saint’s Church congregation complained regularly. Don both protected me from their criticisms while simultaneously challenging me. Mostly, he wanted me to think, reflect, and ponder the depth of the biblical narratives. The influence of his own mentor, James Muilenburg, poured through him. (Muilenburg’s students included Walter Brueggeman and Phyllis Trible)

At the funeral on Saturday, Don’s daughter gave me a small collection of handwritten letters. She found them among his personal writings. I had forgotten how we had corresponded in my early years in ministry. He had saved these letters. Reading them now makes me realize his significance in my life even more.

One of them continued a long-standing conversation he and I had about the nature of Jesus Christ. In the letter, undated but likely around 1994/5, I write, “I find myself focusing more on Christ these days. I recall our early conversations and your concern (well-founded) that my theology lacked a Christology. Well, in time, the student comes around to the master.” I go on to describe some personal experiences and realizations. Reflecting on this letter today makes me realize my long-standing struggle to grasp, understand, and embrace the wandering rabbi from Galilee. (See this essay for a more recent update) But of equal value is how Don allowed, encouraged, and invited me to be in a wrestling match on this subject. Just like Jacob! Even if I’d reached some consumating conclusion, I don’t think he would have tolerated it. For him, as for me, the joy of the struggle, the yearning, the wondering … makes all the difference.

I pulled this card from the deck of Ordinary Mysteries Table Talk, the collection of conversation/reflection cards accompanying the book.* It seemed fitting for today. And as I wrote above, there are several people I could name. Today, the answer is my friend, pastor, supervisor, and mentor, Don Green.

What about you? Who has mentored you? Who has been a guide for you in life, a source of wisdom and influence? Might I suggest you pull out some paper and write them a letter? Let’s do this old-school style with paper and pen. Even if they are no longer here, or you’ve lost touch, there’s real value in claiming the gifts they’ve given you, and offering gratitude.

Until Next Time,

James Hazelwood is the bishop of the New England Synod—ELCA Lutheran. He is also a Spiritual Director and Coach in Depth Psychology and the Christian Mystical Tradition. He is the author of several books, including Ordinary Mysteries: Faith, Doubt, and Meaning, which will be released on April 30.

*These cards will be available shortly.