What’s your favorite holiday?

In my experience, your stage of life probably influences how you answer that question. Most children would probably name Christmas their favorite holiday, while most adults would choose the Thanksgiving celebration as their preference.

I base that conclusion partly on my experience every November when I frequently hear friends and neighbors express sentiments such as: “It’s my favorite holiday of the year.”

When I inquire as to why, the speakers often add comments like these:

“It’s all about people and gathering with no emphasis on things.”

“I love the traditional meal; it brings back so many good memories.”

“It’s the least commercial holiday.”

“How can you not love a day set aside for giving thanks?”

Thanksgiving has its roots in a harvest festival but was solidified as a national holiday day in 1863 under President Abraham Lincoln, who established it amid the American Civil War. Lincoln’s proclamation acknowledges: “The year that is drawing towards its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies.”

Lincoln offers what is essentially a prayer that God would “care [for] all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and Union.”

The Thanksgiving Holiday is more controversial in some quarters today as it brings to mind our sordid history of European colonists and subsequent generations' treatment of the indigenous peoples of Turtle Island, the name Native people have for North America. That’s a history worth exploring, regretting, and atoning for, but that topic will happen in another essay.

Thanksgiving Day affords us a time for gratitude and atonement. Many spend the day with family or friends, sharing a meal together. The focus shifts from the busyness of daily life to a ritual of relationships and appreciation. But in 2010, several large brick-and-mortar stores tried to change everything when they decided to infringe on this sacred American holiday.

The strategy was a blatant attempt to increase market share by interrupting the Thanksgiving holiday with early Black Friday shopping. More retailers jumped on board in 2011 and 2012. By 2016, however, many chains were backpedaling and once again starting their annual promotional frenzy on the Friday after Thanksgiving. While the long-term trend toward 24/7/365 shopping will no doubt continue, there was at least a brief moment of rebellion.

Americans need and want their day of gratitude. We realize that we are human beings, not simply cogs in a commercial enterprise. 

Many parents diligently train children in the value and appropriateness of saying “thank you.” I’ve watched this unfold in recent years with my grandchildren. As other adults bring the children gifts, offer kind gestures, or hand them ice cream cones, one or both of their parents will say, “And what do you say?” This inevitably prompts the obligatory “Thank you” from the children. On occasion, the words can get stretched out, as in “thaaaaaaank yoooooooou.” One might wonder about the sincerity of the words, but that’s not the point at this young age. Parents are attempting to build habits, and saying thank you is a habit of worth in our society.

Expressions of gratitude are even more potent in written form. What stands out in an era of email, texting, and mailboxes crammed with junk mail? Amid an average of 848 pieces of junk mail every year, a handwritten envelope stands out, and when the contents include a handwritten personalized thank you note, I consider that a form of sacred text.

The handwritten thank you note is an offering, an affirmation of a covenantal relationship that we consummated over dinner, coffee or a tangerine. Thank you. When we express appreciation and gratitude, we certify that an event, however small or large, has sealed our relationship in a way that has power – the power to heal, mend, and even transform the future.

The expression of gratitude and appreciation is ubiquitous in all of the world's faith traditions. Did Moses, Jesus, Mohammed or Buddha have anything to say? 

“Singing aloud a song of thanksgiving and telling all your wondrous deeds.” The Psalmist writes in Psalm 26:7.

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” St. Paul writes in Philippians 4:6.

“These two people are hard to find in the world. Which two? The one who is first to do a kindness, and the one who is grateful and thankful for a kindness done.” The Buddha, in the Anguttara Nikaya.

“The great warehouse doors open; I fill with gratitude, chewing a piece of sugarcane.” The Islamic Sufi Poet Rumi.

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” The Christian Mystic Meister Eckhart.

I think you get the point.

You say “thank you” every single day. Most likely it rolls right off your tongue and you don’t even know it.

Someone opens a door as you walk into the grocery store. “Thank you.”

A co-worker offers to buy you a cup of coffee. “Thank you.”

Your teenager looks at you and smiles for the first time in weeks, and you think, Huh? What’s going on? Has the universe realigned itself? “Oh, ah, thank you.”

The ancient Hebrew people had a word for thanksgiving: Todah, which has roots in a similar word, Yadah. Todah shows up everywhere in the Bible – when choirs sing, gifts are offered and prayers are spoken. It’s rooted in the idea of a hand extended in adoration. But notice how giving thanks connects with music and singing, and, wow, can’t you hear the harmony? When we offer thanks, it’s as if we are singing a song, humming a tune, or laying down a soundtrack for a movie musical.

When you say thank you, you are not merely repeating some autopilot, obligatory, culture-bound phrase. Okay, so yes, that is what you are doing on one level. But that’s not all you are doing. You are also singing gratitude, saying a prayer of appreciation, and connecting with thousands of years of spiritual practitioners. You are doing a holy thing. You are engaging in a spiritual practice every day.

So speak a word or a phrase, write an email, jot a note, break bread together, open a door, or buy someone a coffee. Speak and listen for the Todah singing across the universe, offering gratitude and giving thanks.

In Gratitude,

A version of this essay appeared in my book Everyday Spirituality